


Confessional Spaces

by ThatFilmGraduate



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Remus Lupin, Confessions, Conversations, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sirius Black, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Jealous Remus Lupin, M/M, Oblivious Sirius Black, Remus Lupin is a Moody Fucker, Silent (Mutual) Pining, Sirius Black is a Curious Mutt, Trapped In A Closet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25250275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatFilmGraduate/pseuds/ThatFilmGraduate
Summary: Sirius Black is trapped in an enclosed space with his best friend and fellow Marauder, Remus Lupin, and some interesting truths come to light. Or: Sirius Black asks a lot of questions and Remus Lupin is a moody fucker.Remus/Sirius.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 302





	Confessional Spaces

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these HP characters.
> 
> Written: July 2020  
> Edited: July 2020

"I hate this closet."

Sirius Black is currently trapped in a confined space with his best friend and fellow Marauder, Remus Lupin, and this is the first thing that has been said since they entered the closet five minutes ago.

It is a strange thing to open a conversation with, Sirius thinks, when they have been standing in silence for however many minutes, waiting for Filch to fuck off so that they can finish their part in the prank, but Remus has never been normal, so it isn't really all that strange.

Sirius looks around the space and, honestly, he doesn't think the closet is too bad. It is quite clean and there is a bit of room to move around (though he and Remus have their legs tangled together and are both standing close to each other and the exit). The place is bare apart from a series of shelves along the backwall which hold several empty glass bottles and an old globe.

There are worse places to be stuck, he thinks.

"This particular closet?" he asks, because it seems a bit odd to single out one particular place.

Remus shrugs in the sparse light and stares at the door.

Sirius hums and asks, "How many closets are there in Hogwarts, do you think?"

Remus looks at him then, his hazel eyes intense and watching him carefully, as if trying to puzzle out the ulterior motive to his question. After a second, he answers, "I don't know. A lot, I suppose, judging from the amount of time we all spend hiding in one or another."

"So, do you hate all closets?"

Remus frowns at him like he is an idiot. "No," he replies.

"Then why do you hate this one in particular?"

Remus doesn't answer for a long second, and Sirius debates repeating his (quite fair) question, but then he hears:

"It's just... disgusting."

Sirius hums and glances around again. "Why?" he asks, because there is no questionable substance on the floor like the one on the second floor and there are no cobwebs like the one on the fifth floor.

"Why are you asking so many questions?" Remus retorts, and it sounds defensive.

Sirius debates the merits of pursuing this topic: on the one hand, it might end up with him being hexed and with Remus abandoning the plan; on the other, he could find out why his friend seems to hate an inanimate space that has done nothing to him. In the end, he replies:

"You started the conversation, mate. You can't really say that and then expect me not to follow-up on your random statement."

Remus seems to think about this before he nods and says, "No, I suppose that's fair."

His friend seems less defensive now, less suspicious of his intentions, so he asks, "So, why is this closet more disgusting than any of the others in Hogwarts?"

Remus sighs and shrugs before he answers, "It just is."

This is not an acceptable answer and they both know it, so Sirius raises an eyebrow and waits for his friend to elaborate.

Remus rolls his eyes and says, "Because this is The Closet."

Ah.

The Closet.

The Closet is where many of the sexually charged (read: horny) students come to get frisky and almost none get caught because it is on the third floor in one of the least used corridors.

"I got sucked off here, once," Sirius reminisces absently.

Remus glares at him and replies, "Yes, I know. You only say every time we see it on the Map or hide in it."

Sirius grins and asks, "What, annoyed that you haven't been brought here?"

"No," Remus mutters quietly, glaring down at his shoes.

"Is that what bothers you?" Sirius teases, reaching out to take Remus's school tie between his fingers. "That James and I and even Pete have had someone in here, but you haven't?"

Remus scoffs and smacks his hand away. "No," he says, and this time it is strong; defensive; lying.

Sirius grins and stands up straighter. "It is," he says gleefully. "Oh, Merlin! Why didn't you just say? There are plenty of ladies, and some gents too, who would love to drag you into this closet and mess you up."

Remus stares at him like he is an idiot again, but he doesn't say anything.

"We can help, you know," Sirius adds, but even as he says it, he doesn't know if he wants to. After all, Remus and he are the single ones of their group. He doesn't want to be the only single one. And there's a feeling in his gut that makes him feel like utter hippogriff shit whenever he thinks of Remus with someone else. It is probably just him being an overprotective friend, though. He pushes that feeling down and continues, "I know that Cassandra Wilkins fancies you. She practically stalks you. And Ryan Muser – he was definitely fucking up on purpose in Transfiguration last week."

"I don't want your help," Remus cuts in. "And I don't need your help. I'm fine as I am, thanks."

"Alright," he says and holds his hands up in surrender. "Whatever you say."

They are silent after that and when another minute passes, Sirius thinks it is probably a good time to leave. They are behind schedule as it is, and the others are probably wondering where they are, and he hasn't heard Filch or that fucking rodent he calls a pet in ages. But he doesn't move or say anything because he quite enjoys spending time with Remus – even when the other student is mad at him (for whatever reason). The prank is relying on them, though, so he opens his mouth to say that they should be on their way when Remus says:

"You really are an idiot, aren't you?"

"Excuse me?"

Sirius thinks the insult is a bit unfair, really, since all he has done is try to help his friend's love life – or lack thereof. But he knows he will have done something to piss his friend off. Pissing People Off is one of his main character traits, after all. He just doesn't know what he has done.

"What did I do?" he asks.

"I... Nothing. Sorry."

"No, what is it?"

"It's nothing, just leave it."

There is a warning there, in the werewolf's voice, but Sirius (being Sirius) ignores it and says, "No, go on. Why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you," Remus replies tiredly.

"Well, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not."

"But you are—"

"Oh, for fuck..." Remus stops and takes a second to compose himself before he says, "I'm not mad at you, Padfoot. I'm just... I'm a fucking idiot, okay?"

Sirius frowns, unsure how this is the case when he was the idiot a second ago. "What?"

"I..." Remus hesitates and stares at him for a second before he looks to the floor. "I don't care that the others have had it off with someone in here. I care that you have."

Sirius doesn't quite know what to say to that. He doesn't understand why Remus cares more about his (quite limited) sexual experience in this closet than he does the others. Actually, he doesn't know why Remus cares at all. It feels like his friend has confessed something important, but he doesn't know what. He feels out of his depth and he doesn't know what to do.

"Oh," is all he says.

Remus sighs and mutters, "Yeah."

"Well, um..." He really doesn't know what to say and he doesn't like it. "I'm sorry?"

Remus glances at him and chuckles, but it sounds sad, "You shouldn't be. You did nothing wrong."

"Okay..."

Silent reigns again.

Sirius can feel tension in the air, but he doesn't know why it's there or what it means. What he does know is that he doesn't like it, so he is about to suggest that they leave the closet and meet up with the others again when Remus beats him to it again and says:

"I fancy you."

"What?" he asks, startled. Whatever he was expecting Remus to say, it wasn't that.

"I said—"

"No, I heard," he cuts in, still reeling. "I just meant... what?"

Remus stares at him for a second, an attractive but bitter smile falling on his lips. "Oh, come on," he says. "It's not that surprising."

"It most certainly is," Sirius retorts – because it absolutely is a surprise.

He has known Remus Lupin for seven years and the other student has never given him any indication that he is interested. And Sirius... well, he hasn't really thought of Remus like that.

Okay, that's a lie.

He has thought about Remus like that. It is hard not to, every now and then. Remus is attractive and funny and smart and brilliant, and sometimes he thinks of his friend and what a relationship might be like between them. But he has never thought about it seriously before because Remus is his friend first and foremost, and he usually chases those intrusive thoughts away as soon as they enter his mind. (Though, sometimes, late at night, when he can't sleep, he will let himself think about the future and he always sees Remus by his side.)

"Is it, though?" Remus asks.

"Yes," he replies emphatically.

Remus stares at him for a second before he sighs and says, "Look, I'm sorry, alright?"

"Why?" he asks, because he doesn't understand.

Remus straightens up and shoves his hands into his pockets. "Because I fucked up," he answers, his hazel eyes finding Sirius's grey.

Sirius is about to ask how when Remus continues:

"Look, I understand that you don't feel the same way. I honestly didn't expect you to, I just... You're one of my best friends and I don't like keeping things from you and this isn't even really a thing because I'll get over it. I will. I just – I thought you should know, you know? And I'm sorry that I've made things awkward now. I shouldn't have said anything but I just... I'll get over it, okay?"

Sirius takes barely a second to absorb this new information before he states, "I don't want you to get over it."

Remus frowns, "What?"

"I don't want you to get over it," he repeats, and he means it.

Although he has never seriously thought about it, about being in a functioning romantic relationship with Remus, he can't say that the idea doesn't appeal to him.

The main reason he has dismissed the notion in the past is because they are friends. (Another is that he has never thought that Remus could fancy him like that.) But now the opportunity is there and he's going to what – throw it away because he isn't sure that they would work out?

Life is uncontrollable. It is messy and unpredictable and nothing is certain.

Okay, they might not work out. But what if they do? What if he and Remus give it a try and it turns out to be the best decision of their lives? What if they are actually soulmates – destined to be together? For that possibility, however slim it is, it must be worth taking the risk, right? Remus is amazing and they understand each other on a level that no one else ever can or ever will. They could be so good together, so why not try?

"Why would you think I don't feel the same?" he asks.

Remus seems startled by the question, taking a second to formulate an answer. Eventually, he says: "Well, because... You're you, and I'm me."

Sirius scoffs and rolls his eyes.

Right, he thinks. Because he is Sirius Black: he is aesthetically pleasing and a trouble-maker and during his seven years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he has only ever expressed an interest in one person. And because he is Remus Lupin: he is scarred and wonderful but full of self-doubt and self-hate because he happens to turn into a salivating (human-eating) wolf once a month and he was taught to hate himself from the day he was bitten.

"Fuck off with that shit," Sirius says, because he has had enough of Remus putting himself down. "You are amazing, Moony. I don't know how many times we have to tell you that. And what if I do feel the same, huh?"

"What?"

"Did you ever think of that?" he asks. "That I might fancy you too?"

"That's..."

"What?" Sirius urges defiantly, daring Remus to say something self-deprecating and stupid.

Remus opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He looks confused, as if he hadn't expected this; the confession or its kind-of reciprocation. Honestly, neither did Sirius. But it is happening and the truth is out and there's only really one thing they can do now: take a chance or get over it.

"Sorry, I'm just – You've thrown me," Remus says quietly. "I don't know what to say."

"Well," Sirius shrugs because he doesn't know either. "You fancy me, I fancy you. Those are the facts. So, I suppose the only question now is what happens next?"

"I don't... I don't know," Remus says, and it is weird to hear that come from him because Remus Lupin knows everything. Or, well, it seems like that most days.

"No, neither do I," he admits. "But I'd like to find out. If that's something that you'd want too."

Remus stares at him for a long minute, eyes curious and thoughtful. "I... Yeah," he says. "I want to."

Sirius grins and pushes away from the wall. Remus copies and removes his hands from his pockets as he takes a step closer in the enclosed space. Neither is sure what to do next – this is new territory for both of them, after all – so Sirius lets his impulses take control and the next thing he knows is that he is leaning up and kissing his best friend.

It is a brief kiss: chaste and feather-light. But it is enough to make his heart race faster than is probably healthy and his stomach flutter delightfully. It is dark in the closet and he isn't actually sure if he has just kissed the werewolf's lips or cheek or chin, but when he pulls back, he knows that his reaction is not one-sided – not if the look in Remus's eyes says anything.

They stare at each other for a long moment, both trying to decipher what has just happened and what it means, then strong hands wind themselves into his hair and lips are on his again. The actions are hesitant and unsure, and Sirius is glad that he's not alone; that he and Remus are both in the same boat, exhilarated but terrified. Because he wants to confirm that – that he understands – he places his own hands on Remus's forearms, fingers digging in lightly, hopefully reassuring his friend, and kisses back.

It is quite nice, kissing Remus. He reckons he could spend an entire evening with Remus's lips on his, with Remus's hands running through his hair, with Remus's body pressed up against his, but he knows that James and Peter will come looking for them soon. They have been gone for too long and the prank is likely fucked because of them. It is only a matter of time before they are found and the requisite 'Coming Out Of The Closet' jokes start.

He pulls back and debates his options, staring up at his best friend and wondering how someone can look so handsome in such shitty lighting. They say nothing for a long minute, and then:

"I still hate this closet," Remus mutters.

Sirius laughs and he knows that they have a lot to talk about and that they should leave before the others come looking for them, but he instead replies, "Maybe I can change your mind," before he plants his lips on Remus's again and gets to changing his werewolf friend's mind.


End file.
